of muse and men...

you meet all kinds in this life...
some will inspire you to do the wildest things
some will just be there to hug you aft you're spent

some will be your wings and take you on flights of fancy
some will be your rock and ground you to your reality

some will be your pillar of strength,

some will be your fountain of fire...

and you,

will you be a preacher
or
a poet

?

kamus dewan bahasa

sindir :
to hint; to insinuate; to tease; to mock

it's true what they say...

"kerana nila setitik, rosak susu sebelanga".

see that's the thing about being a yuppie scum, you work with other yuppie scums. and NEWSFLASH, they're not just that. some of them are also barracudas, leeches, vampires and vultures waiting and hoping for that one tiny slip up on your part to pounce on you like a pack of wolves and make away with as much of your body parts and organs as possible.

and so i slipped and what i got to witness was a scene worthy of an episode in discovery channel's 'world's most vicious predators'. a dozen shylocks demanding for the pound of flesh i didn't know i owed them.

i gotta say though, watching it all come crashing down is such a surreal, out of body experience. it's like watching the World Trade Centre collapse on CNN. i would have gone "WOW... WICKID!" if it weren't for the fact that it's happening to me.

oh well, lesson learnt. so now at least i know that all the pats on the back was because i didn't give them the excuse to unsheath their daggers. and while it'll be another long arduous journey up the food chain, at least now i know that the hand that feeds you is actually itching to bitch slap you.

oh well, back to the drawing board then. and no thank you, you don't have to show me the way. i know it like the back of my hand. and while i'm at it i'll pick up and salvage whatever scraps of me that you might have left behind.

thank you all. i guess i should have paid more attention in class when they were teaching WORK "ETHICS" 1101.

So how did you sleep?

i slept the sleep of thieves
waiting to be robbed
i slept the sleep of rapists
waiting to be buttfucked
i slept the sleep of rascals
waiting to be flogged
i slept the sleep of frauds
waiting to be exposed

i slept the sleep of sinners
six feet under
awaiting judgement day
"Kemudian Dia menghidupkan kamu pula pada hari akhirat kelak;
akhirnya kamu dikembalikan kepadaNya untuk diberi balasan bagi segala yang kamu kerjakan."
-Surah Al-Baqarah, Ayat 28.

i sleep to the hum of...
"Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree-top
When the wind blows the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
Down will come baby, cradle and all."



so yah, i slept fine.
like a baby,
waiting to fall.

you okay or not.....you?

"Strive to discover the mystery before life is taken from you.
If while living you fail to find yourself, to know yourself,
how will you be able to understand
the secret of your existence when you die?"
-farid al-din attar
(from 'mantiq al-tair')

it's saturday night and in her snoopy pyjamas and glasses, she types away furiously on her computer. the parents are out of town, the friends are all out and about and yet here she is living the typical geek lifestyle that she never had in college. invites after invites beep on, deepening the intent scowl on her forehead.

in the background, songs of yesternight played on, as a form of consolation for her self-imposed isolation.

in her head, order was called and delegates returned to their seats to signal the start of the...
Conference of the Birds

owl: alright, first order of the day. saturday night dilemma. you may begin your speeches whenever you want to or NOW!

peacock: oh come on, i can't believe you're not going out tonight. remember the top you bought in kl? that would go so well with your green heels and the skirt you bought today. oh come on, dress up and just go out for a bit... strut your stuff and just chill out. you don't have to have a big one like last night.

swan: that is so lame... if you're going out just so that you can look pretty and stand around the bar like a bloody poser, skip it. you might as well just listen to the same music at home and dance as and when you feel like it. how often do you get to jiggy in your pyjamas anyway?

dove: that's true... besides you need some peace and quiet... some chill time... you've been partying hard for weeks now... i'm afraid you might lose your centre and you know what that does to your life. remember, stay grounded... maintain zen and wuuuuu-ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...............

humming bird: yup.don't.lose.focus.keep.your.mind.on.your.goals.you've.
come.too.far.to.let.it.slip.don't.be.silly.not.now.don't.drop.the.ball.keep.workin.it.keep.workin.it.keep.workin.it.keep...

pungguk: aku rindukan bulan. aku tahu. aku tahu dia takkan jatuh ke atas riba aku. dia nun jauh di sana. aku rasa mungkin angin tak sampaikan pesan aku pada dia. hai lah bulan... kalaulah kau dapat terima pesan yang aku sampaikan, tak sesialah aku mendongak... ataupun mungkin dia dah terima, tapi dia tak endah... dia kan bulan, aku ni pungguk.....

parrot: i want to go where everyone is at. dance to the same beat as everyone else. sip the same cosmo. if she's got a new bag, i want one too. if she achieve something-something by the time she's 27, so will i. if they're all having the assymetrical bobs, i'll chop my locks too. if their boyfriends rock, i want mine to as well. if they look happy and contented, i want to sport that look too. if they're in love, if they're in love... maybe if i imitate every gesture, repeat every word, ape them every step of the way, maybe i'll be in love as well... "when i move, you move, just like that..."

rooster: you know what, trust me. it's not that big a deal. i think you're just enjoying being silly and indulging yourself for a bit. go ahead, take a little break from rationality, you deserve it. but make sure the alarm clock is set first so that you will wake up from your little dream and everything will be as bef... OI! don't fall asleep, not yet! oi! i need to know what time you planning to wake up! hey! you have to set the alarm first!!! hey! hey! oh come on... this is so... not funny!

pigeon: security! security! please report to main chamber. we have a code blue. we have a code blue. i repeat, code blue. delegates of conference, please remain calm.

owl: hush! hush now! order! ORDER! SILENCE! CAN YOU HEAR ME???? Can You Hear Me??? can you hear me....

*to be continued...

the pandemonium cresendoed. she winced and grabbed her temples. throbbing dub dub dub in her head...

so am i ok? i dun noe man... you tell me...

friendster (6.5 friends)

kawan ni macam garam dalam lauk, secukup rasa ajer dah...
tak mahu lebih-lebih,

nanti masin.

and then...

did she remember what she said to who and when
and what she hoped to achieve when the story ends

did he remember what she said when the night was dead
and how she refused to let him get into her head

in the cacophony of confessions concealed and desires denied
surely the silence spoke of something

secret glances
second chances
cutting corners

stolen kisses

did they remember the simplicity that started it all
did they remember, mr bartender?

did you really expect them to recall
while nursing a throbbing hangover?

love is a cup of chicken soup

two children sat on the stairs
demolishing the walls of time
touching love
discovering the first time
all the love other lovers lost

love is a fairy tale real
exists as long as you believe
love is to order two gin & tonics
and to forget to drink
love is to forget names and numbers
addresses orders people places

love is what we borrow from eternity

love is leaving you
when all roads lead nowhere

but to you...

wickid.wednesday.wif.the.wild.wild.ones!

the reunion of the crazee KL kakis. we realised that 'KL' is not a state in Malaysia (it's a city!)... 'KL' is a state of mind... even if it means you got to lie through your teeth, ignore phonecalls, switch off mobiles, pretend it's your birthday so your galpals get the green light... youuuuu don't worry okay... whatever it takes for you to go TZER-TZER-TZER... i enjoys... customs and immigration is so much more efficient when you're crossing the border in your head...

we had it all...

we had e-clipse and pink cadillac
we had crushes on you and your gentle testicals
we were in peachy love with your test tube babies
we were at the pinnacle of your metropolises

we had joy, we had fun
we were back in bar sa vanh...

lalalala...

shouldn't every day be a wednesday?

get me out of my head.

i wanna be
comfortably numb
predictably dumb
i knew i'd succumb
should
the winter embrace
returns to displace
unbeckoned memories of your face

i know i'm being
oh-so predictably dumb
i just wanna be
comfortably numb

oh why, oh why did i succumb...

tralala, it's okay.
inhale.....
and exhale............
wuuuuuuuuu-sssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....
there, isn't it better now?
hmmm... yes actually, thank you.
you know... they say the truth is the most mind-altering drug

i say, drugs alter most truths in the mind.

ignorance IS bliss... or is it?

"THE KNOWLEDGE FROM WHICH NO BENEFIT IS DERIVED
IS LIKE A TREASURE FROM WHICH NO CHARITY IS BESTOWED
IN THE WAY OF THE LORD."
-Muhammad Ibn Abdullah (peace and blessings upon him)

so don't ask me why i didn't tell or why you didn't know.
there's a reason and time and place for anything and everything.
capish?

when it's twelve and i'm still at work...

okay, so here's the story morning glory...

after much postulation and deliberation
and consultation with my risk analysis and crisis management team
(which consist of me, myself and i)

the conclusion that i have come to is...

*drumrolls please*

since i so insist on making a bloody melodrama out of my otherwise staid and bland life worthy of a prime TV slot in RTM Satu ala Spektra drama series, in my usual 'takde kerja cari kerja' manner i shall just approach it with all the obit cliches in life, such as...

(in no order of importance or preference)
1) whatever will be, will be
2) only time will tell
3) cross the bridge when you get to it
4) you reap what you sow
etc etc etc...

at which point, the end credits will start rolling to the tune of...

yup, you guessed it (or did you?)

TIME OF YOUR LIFE.
-green day

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Haha to those of you who thinks i'm gonna cop out on you and have some lame-ass Siti Nurhaliza sappy love song to end my magnus opus. do i look like yusof haslam to you?

Rilek ah babe, you should know me by now...

i'll always be cool like that aight...?

when it's ten and i'm still at work...

saya dah penat sekali melayan fikiran yang berlari-lari anak dalam kepala otak saya sepanjang hari macam hamster lari di dalam roda mainannya kerana saya tahu, sama seperti hamster itu, fikiran saya pun tak ke mana...

the treadmill has never been and will never be my favourite exercise machine. in fact, amongst all the useless pieces of junk in the gym, i vote it the most pointless use of good resources such as stainless steel, aluminium and rubber.

having said that though, in one of those rare moments where my thoughts escape me cause it's obviously otherwise occupied, i shall just quote frou frou...

"All the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
(this is not in mind..)

let me tell you this,
I feel totally lost
if im asking for help
its only because
being with you has opened my eyes
could i ever believe such a perfect surprise
I keep asking myself
wondering how
I keep losing my eyes
but i cannot get out
Im going to fly to a place where its just you and me
and nobody else
so we can be free

All the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
This is not in mind, THIS IS NOT IN MIND!
(all the things you said...)

and im all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
they say it's my fault but i want him so much
I wanna fly him away
with the sun and the rain comin over my face
wash away all the shame
and when they stop and stare
dont be worrying me
cuz im feelin for him what he's feelin for me
I can try to pretend i can try to forget
but it's driving me mad goin out of my head

All the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
(this is not in mind...)
(all the things he said..)

Mother, looking at me, tell me, what do you see?
yes, Ive lost my mind

daddy, looking at me, will i ever be free?
have I crossed the line?

All the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
all the things he said
runnin through my head
runnin through my head
all the things he said
(this is not in mind...)
(all the things he said..)"

*editor's note: lyrics have been changed slightly so as not to be accused of plagiarism...*

what if, if then, then how...

if i AM a princess,
then shouldn't my wish be your command?
if so then i would wish for your heart
to be served on a silver platter
so i can keep it close to mine

if i AM a princess
shouldn't my every whim and fancy be met
with a 'yes, milady'
cause surely 'nay' is not in my dictionary
or part of your vocabulary

if i AM a princess
i guess luck has it that i'm the kind
that's trapped in a tall tower
or cursed to slumber forever
waiting for my wayfaring knight in his chinked armour

and i thought every fairy tale ends with
"and they live happily ever after..."

damn the spin doctors!

take me down to the paradise city...

where the grass is green and the scenery pretty
oh would you please take me home..."
-guns N roses

but where is 'home'?

home is where the heart is...

how do you learn to let go...

dear you,

i thank you for our talk. in more ways that you can imagine. i thank you for the wisdom of your counsel. i thank you for making me realise that it wasn't easy to let go but you did and you have and in time, so will i. and that happiness lies not in invoking the cherished memories of the past but in keeping them in pandora's boxes, where they belong, and restocking on new moments of bliss to warm the emptied heart. and now, with all the sincerity i have, tragic queen antics aside, i want to say thank you to you, for all the joy you had brought to my life when it was entwined with yours. but more importantly, i want to say good bye. to you, to the memory of who i was with and to you. and goodbye to the regret that i have been holding on to like a lifeline; the regret of letting it all go away in an impulsive moment of folly .

so long, old friend. take care and may life treat you as well as you truly deserve.

you'll always be my favourite mistake.

K.L.K.O (part 1)

lain kali kalau pergi negri orang, janganlah bawak emotional baggage awak tu... tinggalkan ajer kat checkpoint. imaginary life awak dan criter-criter dongeng awak pun, kalau boleh tak payah nak bawak. ingatlah diri tu sape, sekadar tetamu aje.

road to recovery-"bad friend" syndrome

in a recent convention of the dysfunctional anonymous at their new eco-friendly and zen-esque headquarters (i.e my new terrace), a founding member was reproached for her addiction to a toxic and harmful substance known as das irritierende wort or more commonly "bad friend".

in her defense the said member claimed that it wasn't as if she goes out of her way to seek this substance but somehow it always manages to land on her plate. she further claimed that because it can be found in various forms and shapes and sizes, she is often confused and tricked into going back to her addiction.

after lengthy counselling, she realised how detrimental this substance can be to her mental and social well-being as well as how much it has hindered her psychological and ethical development, not to metion the financial cost she had incurred over the period of her lengthy and arduous addiction.

the other members prescribed a detox treatment which entails the total purging of the harmful substance from her system ("DON'T CALL, DON'T SMS, DON'T EMAIL, DON'T REPLY TO ANY FORM OF CORRESPONDENCE THAT THE SUBSTANCE INITIATES, DON'T GET WITHIN A 12KM RADIUS") and a retraining workshop where the member will be imbued with skills of evaluation and analysis to help her recognise the core elements of the substance should she come across repackaged versions of it in the future. the member was also highly encouraged to practice discretion and only consume substances which meet the stringent standards that has been determined by the D.A (pedigree lineage, i.q prerequisite, minimum income requirement, non-skanky behavior, no prior history of mental instability, a 5-year probation period)

and so with that, the member embarked on a slow but worthwhile rehabilitation process.

-The End-