do you remember your birthday parties?

do you remember where you went, what you ate, what you took, who you were with, what shape and flavor was your cake, what you wore, who gave what, when, how and why.

do you remember the morning after?

do you remember being one year older and none the wiser?
do you remember celebrating that?

the fuzzy polaroids in your mind, your only proof as life unwinds...

how to spot a janex junkie

you don't need it but still you look for it.
you can't refuse it.
you hate it but still you seek it.
you can't go without it.
you know you're better off without it.
you know you shouldn't depend on it.
you know you shouldn't have a surfeit of it.
you know you need to find alternatives to it.

yet all that knowledge means jackshit.

...all that knowledge means jackshit.

you.crave.for.it.you.want.it.you.wish.you.have.it.you.forsake.others.for.it.you.obsess.about.it.

it.fills.your.waking.thoughts.and.your.fitless.sleep.it.eats.you.alive.and.spit.you.out.whole.

and.still.you.come.crawling.back.begging.for.more..,

Of lost marbles and burst bubbles.

So what I said sent you reeling back into the gray abyss you thought you left behind. And the look on your face that I heard through the receiver pronounced the sentence your lips couldn’t deliver. you thought you hid it well, the conundrums you concocted to cloud your conscience. And i thought no one could tell, the charades i conceived to complicate my karma.

And still we play this cat and mouse game of holding on to what our hearts cannot let go and what our heads know we cannot get.

my fool's paradise your stomping ground

... and I remain your pessimistic optimist.

i will stake a thousand sunsets
vermillion with my love

and with the break of dawn
my heart takes flight
an entourage of hope

patience is your virtue
passion, my gift to you...

TWO

too.fast.too.furious.too.much.too.soon.tonight.too.late.to.stop.torrential thoughts.tumors.touche.touche.touch me.tomorrow...

to.be.continued.to.the.end.