you know the FCC, yah you know me...

"Tonight you're mine completely
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can i believe the magic of your sighs?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?"
-carole king





siem reap
23/09/2006

5 SURE FIRE ways to get disowned

1. go for a 'soul-searching' trip the weekend before fasting month.
2. come back past midnight every day ever since you got back cause you're tied up at work.
3. skip sahur with the family because you're too tired to wake up PLUS you got to be to be awake at 6.30 anyway for subuh AND work.
4. tell your parents that you won't be around the week before hari raya cause you'll be in India for work.
5. and THEN, 2 days later tell them that you're not even going to be around during the 1st week of hari raya cause you'll still be in India for... (yup, you guessed it) WORK.

at which point if your parents are anything like mine, they'd go, "ah kakak, lain kali dalam surat beranak tu jangan letak binte mahadi, letak ajer binte kerja..."

if it wasn't happening to me, i'd find it quite funny actually...

reunion of the has-beens...

yesterday, out of the blue i got an sms going..."to all bengkel kids from '86, let's meet up for a long-overdue iftar gathering blah blah blah..." and that's when i realise that i'm actually old enough to be having a TWENTY YEARS later type reunion.

plans were made, venue and time were decided so come next thursday i'll be in the company of some people that i used to run around the studios of the then-SBC (Singapore Broadcasting Corporation) with. People that i used to do tv shows together with... oh,the costumes we used to don, the scrapes we used to get into and the producers and floor managers and make-up artists and kak normah, the wardrobe lady who used to give us such hell for dirtying our costumes with ice-cream and chili sauce and make up (hey, gimme a break, i was only 5 or 6 then...)

wow, so it has been that long... i wonder what some of them look like now... i wonder what they're doing... i wonder if some will come with wives and husbands and kids in tow...

i wonder... i wonder... i wonder...

every you and every me

"everything has a meaning"
-j.

every dome, every stone
every carving, every structure
every look, every touch
every word, every gesture

every picture tells a story
every kiss, a mystery

and you and me?

we will be what we will be...




east mebon
siem reap
23/09/2006
1603 hrs

a lot like love

i rode around on a bicycle the whole day and finally paid tribute to the famed angkor wat. and by god it was watever thay said it will be and more. it was just so mindblowingly beautiful. megah and tersergam indah and permai, you know what i'm saying... it's, you know... it's WOW! and yet hmmmm....

it knocks your socks off with its grandeur and it tugs at your heartstrings so gently, you had fallen hook, line and sinker before you even realised it.

it's just oh... so... beautiful...






angkor wat
siem reap
22/09/2006
1840hrs

of wats and wine...

"it all seems a wondrous mass of beauty
tossed together in superb confusion."

siem reap
21/09/2006-24/09/2006

the.couch.potato.has.spoken.

there's probably a multitude of reasons why tv is evil. but after spending 5 hours straight in from of the box i have come to realise that the one main reason why tv is the father of all evils is because it is, truly, the most proliferated and universally accepted and embraced pathological liar of all times. see, on tv, whatever crisis or heartbreak or screw up or quarrel gets solved within the first 25 minutes cause in the next five minutes that ensue, everyone gathers around the dining table for a heartwarming dinner or couples make up or the boy gets the girl and they ride off into the sunset together.

see, here's the glitch. real life doesn't happen in 30 min slots. neither can we take it one episode at a time on a weekly basis. neither does the boy always get the girl or the girl always get the boy nor do divorces and break ups end in a big bear hug and nostalgia. in real life when people cry, their mascaras run and they end up looking like panda bears. when you spend the night on a deck chair, your body aches and your friends tell you that you should be admitted to a mental asylum. in real life, when something scares the living bejesus out of you, it's not cute or quirky or adorable, it's just plain scary. in real life, when you have a "problem", it's not cool or tragic. it's just a pain in the arse.

the world is not bathed in mood lighting to enhance the ambience. there's no such thing as the perfect guy. or the perfect date. or the perfect job. or the perfect bunch of friends or the perfect life. but see, that's alright cause it's not as if YOU have the perfect nose or the perfect complexion or the perfect tush or tits. i'm sure we wish everything in lifes goes through the magic treatment of final cut pro but unfortunately it doesn't.

tough? deal...

of.fears.and.phobias.

phobia (noun)
def:- A persistent, abnormal, and irrational fear of a specific thing or situation that compels one to avoid it, despite the awareness and reassurance that it is not dangerous.

fear (noun)
def:- a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid

the next time you think that it'd be FUN to spook me, i just thought you'd you'd like to know that i don't find sleeping on the deck chair by the pool till 5 am in the morning waiting for my buddy to be done with clubbing bacause i was too afraid go back to my OWN house amusing at all. i do have a sense of humour, a rather twisted one at that, and STILL i fail find THAT funny. so if you can tell me which part of this whole sadistic scenario cracks you up, please enlighten me.

at any rate, hope you had a laugh.

don't knock nothing

i can't even begin to describe how amazing it is to just spend the whole day doing absolutely nothing. with no one. to wake up in the morning and lie in bed and then pick up a thick book and just spend the whole entire day reading it. it's just great!

best saturday i've had in ages...

confessions.of.an.uptown.girl.

the girl's a nutter,
like a jar of peanut butter.

tee hee hee...

we're all crazy crazy people. we compensate a moment of rationality with a weekend of debauchery. and we dance the same avoidance waltz week in, week out. not tonight though, honey. tonight i'm going to spend a little time with me and indulge in...

my.secret.fantasy.
yo, don't you ever get tired and wish you're a simple fisherman's wife somewhere in trengganu frying lempeng and making sambal tumis ikan bilis in the morning for your abang before he braves the wicked waves. and sapu-ing your laman and cuci-ing kain kotor and cooking a meal of nasi, sayur bening and ikan selar kuning goreng with sambal belacan for a romantic dinner for two under the sinaran of lampu minyak tanah?

i do. sometimes, for all the gifts and glitterati in the world, i just wish somebody would offer me that on a tray of daun pisang. and i'd gladly accept. 'kecil tapak tangan, nyiur saya tadahkan'.

what can i say, you can take the girl out of the kampong but you can't take the kampong out of the girl...

or is that just my hormones wrecking havoc and biological clock going 'tick tock'?


doo dee doo dee doo dee doo...

whatever...

if you can't celebrate the person that i've become
then why stay for the ride?
cause the last i checked, we didn't sign any contract
you're a free bird,
so feel free to...
make like a banana and split, aight?

the beginning of the end.

maybe it's working two weeks straight without a single day off. maybe it's the neverending soap operas i keep getting forced to be a part of. maybe it's the exasperation at seeing how some people can get away with behaving so shoddily and unethically, again and again. maybe you've drained me dry. maybe i miss my mom.

whatever the reasons are, i've had enough of the complicated. i would like my life back please, nice and simple and sweet. and if that means i'd have to make do without the pomp and excitement and fireworks, i'll accept. cause you know, at the end of the day, nothing is more fulfilling than a bowl of chicken soup.

no dramas, no extras.

the.open.closed.

with a flash and a bang.

the bitter aftertaste

i know i have no right to be disdainful at the way they were; latching on to anything that walks and talks and male. afterall, i'm one of them you know... one of the girls. and i'm not going on a moral pedestal cause i know i'm not exactly the poster child for ethics and morality... but seriously though, does every girls' night out have to be about scoring a dick? does every weekend have to be a testimony to the fact that you still have what it takes to pull a guy? cause seriously girls, don't you stare at your naked self every morning and realise what an attractive figure you cut? do you really need the second opinion of some drunken, half conscious twat? whatever happened to just enjoying good company and good music and... well, just enjoying?

i really hate it when the night dwindles down and i see you in the arms of some half-retarded, barely intelligible fuckwit who prolly doesn't even have the vaguest idea if your name is lenny or jenny or penny. it makes me wonder where you were when the rest of the human race was queueing up for self-respect. cause you got to know you're worth more than that, surely. or if you're going to do it anyway, then just bloody do it, you know. don't muck around and get me to be your sentry just in case your ex or your beau happens to stroll in the same club while you're skanking around with god-know's-who.

i can fully comprehend and appreciate the concept of intoxication but you know what, it's becoming an excuse that's growing lamer and lamer by the day. and frankly i've had enough of this. i'm really reaching the point where if i don't see the insides of another club for a long time, it won't be the death of me. i can always just play the music on the computer and get my brother to play with the lights in his room and pretend i'm in attica.

i don't know about you guys but for me i've always believed "wisest is he who knows when to leave the party" cause sweets, you don't want to be the last ones left when the lights come on and the garbage bags are being taken out to clear the trash that's left behind...

what's in a kiss

an unspoken promise
or a moment's bliss...?

abandoned worries
or a mutual tease...?

what's in a kiss...

in vino veritas (part II)

"like the desert miss the rain..."

catch my drift, sweets?

...

if you work your body to the bones
sleep will just claim your errant thoughts

fatigue is the best distraction

and here i am still

resisting the inevitable


kakak... kakak... kenapa jadi anak tu degil skali, kakak?

"in another lifetime when we're both cats..."

random thoughts racing through
going "zer...zer...zer...take me to you"
naughty sprites tinkering with my brain
scheming silly plans aplenty and ideas inane

how do you stop desire from wanting
how do you stop the mind from wandering

how do you stop the heart from beating

somebody knock some sense into me!

so fresh and so clean, clean...

how do you keep it just so

with a white shirt?
bleach

hair?
shampoo and conditioner

teeth?
toothpaste and floss

life?
adventure and ethics

love?
can you?

"absence makes the heart grows fonder..."