sonata insomnia

malam ini aku mencari rinduku
yang diselimut marahku,
diselaput jengkelmu.

malam ini ku harap ketemu damaiku
yang berambal janjimu,
bertiang anganku.

malam ini biarlah bulan pula memujuk pungguk
biarlah enggang yang iring pipit
setarakanlah yang berdarjat
sejinggangkanlah yang pincang

izinkanlah Amran duduk di takhta,
apalah salah si Azizah berkelana

tengkukku lenguh mendongak
aku dah lelah berkehendak

nyiurku layu
bertelapak cemuh,
hatiku rentung tidak diteduh.

midsummer.in.malaysia

it wasn't real. it never was. you were fooled. now when i snap my fingers you would wake up and all that's transpired between you and him would just be a dream. got it?

it wasn't real. it never was. you were fooled.
it wasn't real. it never was. you were fooled.
it wasn't real. it never was. you were fooled.
it wasn't real. it never was. you were fooled.
it wasn't real. it never was. you were fooled.

*snap* *snap*

190806-190908

the topic tonight is... love.

maybe we really did get it on under false pretenses. sorry i dragged you off your moral high horse into my valley of dolled up skanks and whores. seriously though malaysian, sometimes i think we DO push each other too far. i called you a bigot, you question my lack of ethics but at the end of the day we plaster fake smiles on our lips and agree to disagree. but maybe just for once we should disagree about agreeing and throw in the now not-so-white flag and call this whole shebang off. i'm tired of justifying my less than ordinary life and i'm sure you're just as drained from maintaining your lofty morals where they are.

maybe the truth is, birds of a feather DO flock together and your plume and mine are just a shade too different for us to nest on the same perch.

maybe we should try this again at another time. when we're both ready to take off our rose tinted glasses and call a spade a ...

dirty and muddy farming tool. ( which is exactly what it is )

maybe we'll meet in another lifetime, when we're both cats.

random accidentals- are there any other kind?

i didn't know this bus goes down memory lane
each stop a tombstone
begging for a flower or a prayer
a sign that i still remember

i want to oblige
but something tells me don't bother
these empty graves were filled with sweet nothings

we cannot exhume what was never buried
we cannot bury that which hasn't died
the dream you weaved, oh how you must have lied

and like the fool, i traverse your thorny rainbow
looking for the pot...
looking for the pot of promises told...

catch 22 conundrum

...because i allowed myself to feel
your memory refuse to fade
what i cannot forget
i will not forgive...

... he's leaving on a jet plane ...

and so the light of my life, the wind beneath my wings, the silent witness to my trial and tribulations... the tides of change has come to claim you again...

you are all the men and all the women and all the playthings and all the significant in my life rolled into one. and i will give up any one of them in a heartbeat if that will make you stay but it won't and i won't. because we both agree better to have you happy but far than miserable but within reach.

so leave darl, where your heart takes you and your mind is at peace. and know that your sentinel is here always.

oy mi canto alicante! (whatever the hell that means...)