sakit hati VS kecik hati VS tawar hati.

it's getting to that point now; where you no longer anger or hurt or disappoint.

it's getting to the point now; where you no longer matter.

distance

distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder. distance sometimes makes it hard for the heart to stay fond.

i have come to realise (yes, this is another of my famous "moments of epiphany") how difficult it is to be together and apart at the same time. i mean, i shud have seen it coming long ago right... together and apart is oxymoronic! that aside, it's just really hard to be with another person when you're both living your own separate lives, when almost nothing you do is simultaneous or synchronised. how do know you are going down the same path if not only aren't you walking hand in hand but you hardly bump into each other. how do you know you'll be there for each other if you're never there for each other? how do you know how far blind faith is going to take you?

is it love when you know your words will break his heart and you say it anyway?

is it love when she's fighting for her life and sanity and you're out having a party?

saya harap awak faham.

there's lots of pain in this world. learning all about it in one week is surely a crash course that would send even test dummies running in the opposite direction.

there's the kind that you don't actually feel physically but is slowly eating its way to the core of your sanity and reconfiguring your life as you know it. the kind that taunts you with its invisibility and invincibility till the thought of jumping off a cliff actually provides you with some kind of relief. it's the kind that lies just half an inch out of your grip so you can't grasp it and figure it out and fix it.

and then there's the real, blinding, honest to goodness please stop kinda pain that makes you shout your mom's name, in vain. cause even though she's just right there by your side there's nothing she can do to make it stop. it's the kind you sadistically endure because it's suppose to make you better. or you hope it can make you better. it's the kind that is based on faith. faith that your parents will be right the way they've never been wrong; back when you were young and naive. faith that truly God is All-forgiving and will help even habitual vagrant sinners like yourself if you asked in your moment of need. and the faith that the dispenser of that pain really knows what she's doing and that you're not suffering in vain.

and then there's the pain of the unknown. the not knowing what the hell is wrong with yourself. why is this happening to you (even though you managed to convince yourself you deserve it and it's like a premature purgatory). how do you know you made the right choice by choosing one remedy instead of the other. how much worse off would you be if you belatedly realised you have made the wrong choice. how, if the shit hits the fan, you're the only one who's taking the hit. the kind of pain that makes you fervently pray in the dark that this is all just a wicked wicked nightmare. the kind that makes you want to lash out at everyone else cause they're lucky enough to not have to go through this. the kind that makes you feel that noboby gets it and nobody is holding your hand and walking you through this and nobody gives a flying F^&% about you or that even if they do it doesn't matter cause it's not as if they're going through it with you. and so, nobody mattters.


it's the kind of pain that leaves you alone, shivering in the cold yet declining every hug that is offered. it's the kind that drives you off the cliff, freefalling into nothing.


it's the kind that hurts.

25/07/2007-28/07/2007-...

smooth.criminal.

"So Annie Are You OK?
Are You OK,
Are You OK, Annie?!?"
-Michael Jackson

i worry about annie
i worry about buddy
i worry about the crazy three
and their chronic malady

don't i worry about me?

1 missisippi... 2 missisippi... 3
keep counting till i'm history

we like it smooth
we like it thick
we like it chunky monkey brick

why worry
no one's sorry
it's a neverending story

"worry is like a 'rock'ing chair. it gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere..."
-Mr Pandai.

ALL HAIL FOODBLOGGERS!!!

i dunnoe who you are or what you look like or what you do for life but i just want to thank you for filling up these seemingly endless hours at work with your delightful reviews of restaurants and grub. you guys rock my world!

if anything good or useful ever came out of this whole internet/ blogging bamboozle, it's FOOD BLOGS.

love 'em, love 'em, love 'em. can't get enough of them. they've given a new lease of life to my otherwise dreary yuppie-scum existence. now, when i meet up with my friends, we've always got something exciting, some new unventured territory to look forward to. it's also made me the *drumrolls* SUPREME DICTATOR OVERLORD (!!!) of my newly established, 5-man strong Food Club (dia macam 'Fight Club' tapi kita tak gaduh, kita makan)

okay... i know i'm gushing... but seriously, thanks y'all! if i could hug you i would (except you'd prolly think i'm a raving lunatic to come up to virtual *pun intended* strangers and hug you silly!)

beyond.salvation.

i know somewhere along the line, i lost the plot. if i get 50-cents for everytime someone tells me i am a wastrel who had frittered away all of god's gift to me, i'd prolly be able to pay off my 4-digit amt credit card bill.those years where i could have really made a somebody out of myself i spent looking for the ultimate high and the shoes and bags to match it. well, i hope i was happy.

you are what you eat drink inhale ingest think wear feel say.

you are the monster of your creation.
you are the repercussion of your actions.

i am what i have accomplished.
if i see a blank, that's just the mirror staring back at me.

excuse me while i blow some steam and lose my head...

STOP LYING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stop telling me i'm the centre of your universe and i'm the be all and the end all of your life when we both know that numerous other things come before me like your shop, your future shopS, your family, your boys, your soccer, your friends, your trips, your parties, your life etc...

stop trying to placate me with stupid useless mushy mushy bullshit . don't you know a person can only survive so much for so long on a non-existent future and pawnshop promises of ever after before they get bitter and ugly; running on empty.

stop shoving drivel up my ears when WE BOTH know you can't and won't deliver what you promised.

"All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm comin' down

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But... "

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW...

it's been a while, eh....

"Dinda... di manakah kau berada
Rindu aku ingin jumpa
Meski lewat nada
Kau dengarkan segenap rasa tertumpah
Mengalun dalam gitarku
Ngelangutkan jiwa

Melangkah dari bayangan
Kala aku pulang
Terkenang kisah kita bersama
Mengingat jalan yang panjang
Pernah kita tempuh
Namun badai memisahkan

Berkhayal tentang dirimu
Telahkah berubah
Sekian waktu jauh dariku
Mereka-reka rencana
Apa kan kita buat
Bila ada perjumpaan

Dinda... di manakah kau berada
Biar kita isi malam
Menangis tertawa
Dan sampaikan kepada langit dan bintang
Sebentuk cinta yang ada
'Kan tetap terjaga

Denting dawai-dawai gitarku memanggil..."
- Katon Bagaskara

Hai lah Katon, sungguh tak ku duga kau ni pun kaki pam jugak...