i.wanna.be.adored #2.

when his hugs become perfunctory
when his summer kisses turn wintry
oh please, oh please, somebody pass me some whisky
so all will be well and lovey-dovey

i will not be censored by your guilt

"Guilt is anything you did and fear others to know about."
-Mohammad

so yah, i have serious issues with married men cheating on their wives.that, to me is the ultimate no-no punishable by castration.

cause you see, i AM from the school of thought that believes fidelity is overrated, as contradicting as that sounds. let me explain...see i figured, from the time a person discovers the joys of hetero or homosexual interaction to the point where he dates and has long term relationships, get engaged, all the way up to the eve of his wedding, he has every opportunity and right to cheat, if he must or is so inclined. i have no problems with that at all as long as he doesn't get caught or stupidly confess or hurt anyone else in the process. you're a free bird, go on, no one has the right to clip your wings and prevent you from flying from roost to roost.

HOWEVER, once you're married though, it's a different ball game surely. in the first place, you enter into a marriage willfully and informedly, knowing exactly what you're getting yourself into, without having a gun pointed to your heads; either one (hopefully lah...) and a marriage, in case you haven't realise is not JUST that romantic shenanigan about the union of two souls. it's also a social contract made before the law, society, God, your families and friends. such is the magnanimity of a MARRIAGE. it's not something frivilous and fun to do on a lazy sunday afternoon. so i would think, having realise the import and seriousness of this marriage business, once the ink dries on the marriage certificate, a person would do his utmost best to NOT screw it up by say, for example, cheating on his spouse.

it makes me sick to the stomach seeing him last night, going about like he's got no wife to go home to. like there's no one waiting on the other half of the bed for his return. it makes me wonder where was he when God was giving out basic morals and ethics (let's not even go to the advanced stuff). and to do it so blatantly, in front of us, his friends, HER friends, good god. is he so cocky in the fact that we won't spill the beans on him? i'm sorry, i don't remember signing up to be a member of 'affairs-r-us'. and i don't even wanna sit down over coffee and discuss it with him. i don't want to hear the reasons and excuses and self-recriminations. not everything is grey in this world, or taupe or beige or mauve. some things are and WILL ALWAYS be black and white. i don't care if the wifey is a bad shag or the magic is lost or he's going through a bad case of mid-life crisis. what he's doing is wrong and he knows it. everybody knows it. end of discussion.

"One who condones evils is just as guilty as the one who perpetrates it."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

and i was inadvertently made a part of the scene that i was so studiously trying to avoid for fear of getting smeared with the same dirt and because i don't want things to get ugly and i know i will make it ugly. but i was brought into the whole soap opera like a reluctant cameo and so, having found myself in a role i neither covet nor enjoy, i have no choice but to go on stage and take my cues and say my lines. and this is what i have to say.

i am telling you to stop it. if i ever even suspect that you're still carrying on with the affair like a man with no self-respect, then i will tell her what i know and what i saw and what i heard has been going on. i will not hesitate and the only warning you will get is that when you switch on your tv, you will get a blank screen. consider that a by-your-leave and divorce from me.

you can't stop this

you can call in favours
you can depend on friendship

but you
can't stop eyes from seeing
ears from hearing
mouths from talking

so you can stop me from blabbing
but you can't stop me from thinking

*tape rolling...* ACTION!

i lie here in my cube of a room
having known for ages though
that while the room belongs to me
i don't belong here

sorry mommy
sorry daddy
you lost me to the changing tides
and twisted winds

a long time ago...

LESSON IN LIFE

things they don't teach you in school #1
-hygiene
-reccess
-etiquette
-ethics
-humility

the hole in my head

is stuffed with cotton balls
dipped in laughter
of yesternights
and the morning after

i.wanna.be.adored.

i like my man drowned in beer
cause that's when he loves me and holds me dear
and tell me all the things i've always wanted to hear
i know it's pathetic, i know it's quite queer

metamorphosis of narciss.us

(tale of two sisters)



min
heads turned as she sashayed into the bar. her new chic bob, sophistication personified. his mates took a double take, as if to make sure she was really her. fox's initial doubts about a short do vanished in that instant. she was the belle of the ball.

morphine
eyes followed her fashionably late entrance into the ballroom. a paragon of purity and understated elegance in her white frock and sparkling tiara. they never knew she could clean up good. she was cinderella incarnate. her gals oohed and aahed with admiration. the men wanted to take her home, put her in a glass case and just gaze at her, the way they use to ogle at uber-cool senior girls when they were 13 and geeky. she was the belle of the ball.