epiphany

i know now how it feels. happy.

it's when your whole body feels all tingly. cliche i know but it's true. and in your head you see it over and over and over again. that one moment when it all crystallises and you truly feel.

for an emotional retard it is better than anything. it makes it worth everything. and more. and even these words don't do justice to it. and you try to explain it. encapsulate it in gestures. in your smile but nothing quite describe this that bubbles in you and spills over and keeps going and going and going. and i will keep it and remember it and savor it and relish it and let it roll over my tongue my hand my every nerve and visit and revisit it.

today i met my angel. and she is warm and hot and angry and loving and there and sets me free and watch me fly and let me fall so i learn to pick myself up and nurse my own wounds. she made me feel hurt so i can feel joy.

she is all of them and all we went through in a small black room. she is my spine and my gut and all the times i tried to justify to him why i'm here and not there where he wants me to be. she makes all the 'i don't know's mean something more than what i think they mean.

i wish you can be here where i'm at. soaring above the skies and falling to the ground. finally the mind can take a rest because the heart knows where it's meant to be and how to get there...